Throw another Quorn on the barbie

This post is about Quorn. Not the town in the Flinders Ranges, but the food. Never heard of it, you say.

Barbecued Quorn

The story of Quorn starts in the 1960s. This was the time of books like Paul Ehrlich's The Population Bomb. People were looking at the future and worrying. One of the concerns was that there would be a food shortage, and more specifically a shortage of protein, within a couple of decades.

One food company decided that it would be a good idea to research mycoprotein for human consumption. The idea was that rather than the inefficient process of raising animals for food, you instead took some cheap feedstock (in this case, starch-based waste products from cereal manufacture) and fed it into a fermentation vessel where it was used to grow a single-celled organism, such as a yeast or a fungus. With an appropriately chosen organism, you could produce a nutritious, protein-rich food on an industrial scale. Just what was needed to feed the starving, overpopulated world that many had predicted.

Had things worked out differently, they might have virtually saved the world, and become immensely rich in the process. As it happened, they ended up producing a niche product, unknown to the majority.

Quorn has a bit of an image problem. It's essentially a mould that has been processed in a factory to resemble meat, so it immediately evokes the response "Ewwwwww!". Which is illogical; we eat mushrooms which are a fungus. We eat bread and cheese and drink beer and wine, all of which are synthetic foods produced by fermentation. We even eat processed meat products like sausages, whose production would make the average person physically ill to witness. Much of the stuff we eat already comes from nameless factories. For instance, the "cherries" in a fruit bun are most often made from Calcium Alginate (extracted from seaweed) with artificial colouring and flavouring.

Because Quorn is something that's manufactured, it doesn't have any intrinsic flavour any more than - say - a car has an intrinsic colour; it's a case of "tell us what flavour you want". This is a problem. If you tried to create a strong distinctive flavour for it, most people would reject it as being unfamiliar, and it would rule out many traditional dishes which are expected to have specific flavours. If you try to emulate an existing flavour - say lamb or beef - you'll never do as well as the original article. You can try to make the flavour as neutral as possible, but then people will taste it and say "Meh" and "Why bother?".

The creators of Quorn have tried a mixture of the second and third approaches, with a surprising amount of success.

Nevertheless, Quorn seems to have few supporters in Australia.

The "average" Aussie, used to steaks and roasts, would reject Quorn as some weird hippie nonsense (although they would most likely not phrase it this politely). Why eat some meat substitute when you can eat Real Meat? they would say.

Whereas the hippies in turn would look in askance at this strange and possibly sinister synthetic food - one step short of Soylent Green - and stick to their organic tofu and lentils.

Foodies, although more willing to try the unusual, would probably not be so interested in an inauthentic ingredient which has (intentionally) an unexciting taste.

Fast food outlets could probably use the stuff very efficiently, but it seems they have to appeal to the masses and make a big deal of using "100% beef"*.

[* = I would never make the libellous suggestion that this means they use 100% of the cow; tail, hooves, eyeballs and all.]

The "Housewife" (and I'm afraid that this is still a valid title in this backward country) has probably never heard of it, and would be doubtful about introducing such an alien product to her family.

So Quorn falls, unloved, between the various camps.

Which is a pity, because the rationale behind this food still holds; it's a high-protein food similar to meat, but can be produced without the inefficiency (and often cruelty) involved with farming animals. Also, unlike factory farming practices (and even sustainable/organic farming for that matter), the process is under tight control, so you virtually eliminate the possibility of disease.

I eat Quorn myself.

I understand the virtues of growing your own food or buying it fresh from a local market, but here in the Brisbane suburbs it's a case of the local Coles/Woolies or fighting your way into the city to get to a market that's barely any better. So if you're going to buy stuff from an amoral faceless corporation like Coles Group, you might as well go the whole hog and get a completely artificial food.

The price of Quorn is comparable with free-range chicken. The economies of scale are such that Quorn could be very much cheaper than this if it were more widely eaten, but since it's a niche product, you have to pay a premium price.

Quorn comes in a number of different forms, the majority of which are aimed at the convenience food market (the holy trinity of the corner store - Pies, Pasties and Sausage Rolls - are there). This is not the emphasis that I personally like, but it's understandable under the circumstances.

My favourite variety, for reasons of taste and versatility, is Quorn Pieces.

Quorn Pieces

These are meant to substitute for chicken pieces and are intended to be used in a sir-fry. In terms of taste, texture and appearance they are almost indistinguishable from chicken, however I find them to be overall superior because they are easier to prepare and they absorb flavours much better. This is where Quorn beats tofu hands-down. Tofu has a texture like synthetic rubber and actively repels flavourings. It takes a first-class chef to make tofu taste any good, whereas anyone who can put together a meal can get good results with Quorn.

Quorn pieces cooking in a very well seasoned wok

When stir-frying, Quorn pieces can be cooked in pretty much the same way as chicken. Cook them from frozen (there's no real advantage in thawing them first, although you can do this if you want to), and use a little more oil than you would normally use for meat, since they are almost devoid of fat. Cooking time is about the same.

The standard (I believe) method of cooking a stir fry (cook the meat first, set it aside to rest while cooking the vegetables, and then add it back in at the end) works well with Quorn. I usually drizzle the Quorn with kecap manis (sweet soy sauce) and sprinkle with spices while it's resting - Quorn absorbs the flavours and they seem to come through better than when the spices are added separately to the wok.

A Quorn stir-fry

A quick and easy meal is to stir-fry some Quorn pieces and wrap in pita bread, along with lettuce and tomato and whatever sauce you favour (a home-made Caesar dressing works well, as does sweet chili sauce and sour cream). This is essentially a donner kebab. It's very tasty and can be done at a moment's notice.

You can also thread Quorn pieces onto a skewer and cook under a grill or on a barbecue. The trick is to select the biggest pieces from the packet and stir-fry them first for 3 to 4 minutes to firm them up. You can then marinade them and thread onto the skewer. Simply thawed, they are too brittle and can break when skewered, but a little cooking first makes it much easier.

Tandoori Quorn with steamed vegetables

The Tandoori Quorn above and the barbecued Quorn at the start of this entry were both made this way. The barbecued Quorn was simply marinated in store-bought barbecue sauce.

There are a couple of other varieties of quorn which can be used as basic ingredients (as opposed to those varieties which are essentially prepared meals):

Quorn Mince

This is meant to substitute for minced beef. You could use it in a dish like spaghetti bolognaise and most likely no one would be able to tell the difference. I've also successfully used it in spring rolls.

Quorn Fillets

These look like fish fillets, but are meant to substitute for chicken breast, although they seem a little denser in texture. They are not quite a 1:1 substitute for chicken (e.g. if you simply fry one up and present it with minimal seasonings, as shown on the packet, you'll be able to tell that it's not chicken), but I can attest they work really well in a parmigiana. Don't try to flatten them with a mallet (they're already flat enough and tend to disintegrate when hit), but thaw, coat in beaten egg and bread crumbs and proceed as with a normal parmigiana.

To sum up:

Quorn isn't a wonder-food that's going to cure all of your ills and turn base metals into gold, nor is it some incredible taste sensation that will have the gourmets writhing in ecstasy. It is, however, an extremely under-appreciated and versatile ingredient, which is convenient to use and very easy to get good results with.

If you want to cut down on your (or your family's) meat intake for health or other reasons, it gives you an easy option because it can be directly substituted for meat in many dishes.

Who will rid us of this troublesome Abbott?

Peta Credlin and her amazing evil monkey puppet
source

This post is a little unconventional as far as blog posts go because I'm not trying to reveal my deep inside knowledge and incredible insights to an adoring audience of millions (that was sarcasm, by the way), but instead I'm posing a question, because I'm having difficulties in coming to grips with exactly how best to approach the horrifying situation this country finds itself in.

With my previous post on this subject (of only five months ago, but it seems like longer) I thought it was worthwhile to list the actions and policies of the Abbott government with which I disagreed. It was a long list and I ended up having to generalise, but I thought it was worth doing; partly to raise awareness amongst those who hadn't been paying attention, and partly to dispute the assumption that "all politicians are as bad as each other and there's nothing you can do about it". [OK, I don't have any audience worth speaking of, so this was arguably a waste of time. Nevertheless, you never know who'll get here via an obscure search, or what might suddenly go viral and if we all do our bit to fight the bad memes etc. etc. ]

But now it seems things have got worse to the extent that there doesn't seem to be any benefit in listing policies or explaining why they are wrong. All but the wilfully blind can see what is happening, and all but the wilfully ignorant (or those who hope to benefit from what is essentially systematic wrecking of the country) can see that it's bad.

A couple of examples from personal experience:

A few months after the election I was working in a Northern Territory town. I won't be naming any names. This town is a red-necked place where, until recently, Aboriginal people were openly referred to by many as "coons" (now they use the word "indigenous" with an ironic wink, which is not much of an improvement) and where Rudd's Apology was greeted with foaming-at-the-mouth rage.

Two workers were trading banter and one retorted "Next you'll be saying I voted for Tony Abbott!". This, apparently, was the worst possible insult that he could imagine.

At another work-site in the North of Queensland (not quite as red-necked but hardly a hot bed of left-wing radicals), a feeling of resentment against the government seemed to hang over the place like a toxic cloud. In the past, during the worst parts of the media campaign against Gillard, you'd hear a few people sounding off here and there, but it was nothing like that this time. This time a feeling of depression and suppressed anger seemed to fill every single person in the place.

There was a worker there who rides a Harley. He is dead-set against the current fire-arms laws and desires a return to the Gold Standard (which is the identifying mark of a libertarian). I wouldn't be surprised if he had a Confederate flag flying outside of the caravan in which he lives. [I should in fairness point out that he's a really good person to work with: easy to get along with, highly skilled and willing to go to considerable personal inconvenience to do a job right. Stereotypes only go so far.]

Politically speaking, you would think he would be a natural Abbott supporter, but he is irate at the Abbott government. His opinion is that their handling of the country is so bad that they should be executed for treason. He had never said anything like this about Rudd or Gillard.

And that was before the budget came out...

So there doesn't seem to be any point in banging on about how loathsome Abbott and his partners in crime are, and why what they are doing is so disastrous. It's like an outbreak of the Black Plague; everyone gets that it's bad, and most important thing is working out what can we do about it.

So what can we do about it?

It seems to me that there is only one reason that Abbott is currently in power: the vicious, unrelenting and totally one-sided press campaign against Labor. In my entire life (and bear in mind that I've lived through the greater part of the Cold War) I have never seen such blatant bias and outright lying by such an overwhelming majority of the mainstream media.

If it was wasn't for that, there's no way Abbott could have won. He has an obnoxious personality, his political views are extremist and out of step with perhaps 90% of the population, and his party didn't go to the election with any real policies (three-word slogans don't count). In any remotely fair contest, the Coalition would have been decimated.

The fact that the media is specifically biased in favour of the Coalition (rather than, say, just being right-wing in general), is most clearly indicated by the behaviour of the Coalition itself. They seem confident to tell obvious lies and contradict themselves in the most blatant manner. The only way that they would this is if they know the media will always cover for them.

And when I say "media", I am of course talking about Rupert Murdoch.

Now, the book Coup d'Etat - A Practical Handbook [Edward Luttwak 1968] - which is a sort of 20th Century version of Machiavelli's The Prince - has the following to say:

"If a political entity is actually controlled by a group which is not structured politically, then obviously political methods cannot be used to seize power. This is the case of a country dominated by a business unit. Imagine, for example, that General Motors did control the USA, in the sense that the Presidency and Congress acted as its stooges. If that were the case, power would have to be seized in Detroit, not Washington."

So it would seem that rather than worrying about Abbott, a better strategy would be to concentrate on Murdoch. It makes more sense to destroy Sauron than waste your effort fighting his orcs and trolls.

But how can this be done?

As Luttwak has pointed out, the normal political tools - protests, petitions and so on - aren't of any use.

Boycott his papers? Maybe, but they make a loss anyway. Their purpose is to influence people and not to make money.

I'll be damned if I want to wait around for him to die off; he could hang around for another decade or more, and cause an extraordinary amount of damage in the process.

Any suggestions? Anyone?

Help, please!